Insecurity.

I don't think I realized how truly insecure I was with myself until very recently. Now that I'm graduating this is becoming really obvious. Right now I'm feeling like one of those people who is peaking in high school. I don't know if I will be able to live up to my own standards at this point and it is really starting to depress me. I know I am intelligent and hard-working, so why do I feel like I'm going to become a drop-out crack whore? I don't know. Also, I made so many good friends in these last couple of years. Now that I'm moving on I feel like I'm going to lose all of these great relationships I have been able to build.

This insecurity is something I really need to work on. Sorry for being depressing and venting so much.

Simply Devastated.

A few nights ago, three of my dear friend were gunned down. Two were brutally murdered and the third suffered severe injuries. The murderer's excuse: a "dark feeling".

This whole situation is still unfathomable to me. These three boys were some of the sweetest, most friendly and loving people I know. That this man did this to them over a "dark feeling" and has little remorse deeply disturbs me. I simply can't imagine why this had to happen. I don't know.

C.R. and J.P. my heart goes out your loved ones. I am praying for your families and friends. May you rest in peace.

E.Z., I love you. You must stay strong! You will get through this! I am praying for you and your loved one as well.

Today.

Today has been one of those days. It seems like almost all of the little things that piss me off picked today to bother me.
I didn't get any sleep last night.
I almost got hit by a car today (This is how I know there's a God; things like this happen to me all the time.). And, in addition to this, I was tailgated almost my entire drive home, which didn't help (this is one of my biggest pet peeves).
On top of this, the kids that I mentor decided to pick today to be at their brattiest. And my mom got mad at me about something she caused.


But today wasn't all bad. I got an interview for an early admissions medical program and received a 102% on a Biology II exam.

Sorry for venting so much. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

lovely songs of the week

1. dear mama tupac (my mom is currently in france and i miss her)
2. sutphin boulevard blood orange
3. dreams fleetwood mac (i could use some sleep)
4. kids with guns gorillaz
5. killing me softly the fugees
6. origins tennis
7. bills, bills, bills destiny's child (i'm pretty much broke at the moment)
8. wraith pinned to the mist of montreal
9. belong washed out
10. 20 dollar m.i.a. (yet again, i am very low on cash)

wow

i've been gone for a long time. so much has changed. here are some of the biggies:

1. i'm about to graduate from high school (finally)
2. I'm about to head off to college (yessss)
3. i'm currently ranked number 1 in my graduating class (sorry for bragging)

i'm having a really hard time deciding where to go for school. Options:
1. Florida State University
2. University of Florida
3. Stetson University
4. University of Central Florida
5. University of South Florida
6. Florida Atlantic University

my number 1 choice was UF, but they got snooty and didn't give me a scholarship so i can't go there unfortunately. i'm currently leaning towards FSU.

gahhhhh, so many choices.

it's my birthday

...and i'll cry if i want to.
but i don't want to actually. everything so far has been lovely. i just got back from new york where i had a fabulous time shopping. i also went to see daniel radcliffe on broadway in how to succeed in business without really trying. it was lovely and he was a really good performer, though he was a bit shorter than i had expected. a ate a lot of lovely food and plenty of bagels.

my birthday has been pretty uneventful thus far however, but nice. the only problem is that i'm sick (anyone that tells you that new york city is particularly clean is lying to you) and it's raining. again.

anyway, pictures to come.
xoxo caro.

packing.

is the worst.
the only good that comes out of this is that by this time tomorrow i will be exploring time square. big apple here i come. i am very pleased. more to come.

xoxo caro.

(image source: http://www.knowledgerush.com/wiki_image/e/ea/Bigapple.jpg)